This is going to be a weird one.
I’ve tried to explain it to a few people, one profoundly misunderstood, and I’m not sure the others fully got it either.
So I’m going to explain it to you and you can do with it as you will.
if you didn’t read the last post: I currently have depression and have been going through the effects of menopause. I’ve never been a confident nor self assured person. Doubt has definitely been a closer companion to me even than depression over the years. But I’d always been smart and menopause is great at taking away your mental clarity. It’s been pretty fuzzy and disordered in my head the last few years.
I’d though it was the fatigue of having a young child. The sleepless nights, the fatigue. But we’re over five and a half years now and I’ve watched the other mums pull their lives back together even with second and third children arriving and here I am.
Not living my best life. Dragging myself through it.
The depression is just icing.
Thant’s not actually what this post is about. But it’s the setting.
Here’s where it gets odd.
You know those Coles builders? The little cardboard figures you pop out of the card and assemble? Last year the figures were Harry Potter related. This year they were DC Superheros.
I have three children, my birth child and two step children. One is too mature for supermarket collectibles, for the other collecting is life. So we collect two sets, one each for the two younger children.
Now we’re low income so dropping $300 to get 10 of these cards a week is not for us. Last year we were doing our best, we’d divide all the cards we got in half to be fair, and then the middle child would arrive with a stack of cards from his mum. His set was finished fairly easily, and his spare cards would go to school for his friends.
We didn’t finish my daughter’s set, like by a long way. She had maybe half a set when the promotion ended. She was pretty sad, but what could we do? Our store had run out of cards a couple of weeks before and none of our friends were collecting.
This year we started our Superhero sets by buying the younger kids a box each. My middle child’s mum was no longer shopping at Coles so it was almost solely up to us to fill both sets. The promotion was starting to wind up, and we had 2 half sets (and not in a two halves make a whole way).
I got on social media and found a couple of friends who were collecting. We picked up a few cards but not enough. I then hit facebook marketplace and started making deals with people all around. (I’d say close by, but my partner wasn’t that thrilled with how far afield some were.)
The promotion was still ongoing when we finished our sets. (with big thanks to my niece who gave me all the cards the restaurant she worked at acquired buying supplies at Coles and Brad from Melton who was a superstar.) We finished our sets, I got cards to finish a couple of friends sets, then I finished up a few strangers sets.
Now if you don’t think this is significant enough to create a profound epiphany … like yes, you’d generally be right. On the surface it’s a very small thing.
But the thing was, shy, difficult, sleep deprived, depressed, awkward little me talked to strangers and negotiated for the things my kids wanted. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world had we not finished their sets. We might have had some grief from them for letting them down. As kids see these things. But it wasn’t that hard to actually get it done, for them.
And I wondered. Why can’t I get things done for me?
This was just a series of small deals and trades and some side trips here and there while being out and about running errands, or coming home from father’s day lunch, lol.
But isn’t everything a series of small (and yes sometimes big) negotiations?
I’m not sure if I can make it happen, but there was something that felt really good about finding out what people wanted, looking at what I had and chatting to others for the remainder and making everyone happy.
I found I was capable and able to manage, sometimes complex trades.
There’s a large part of me waiting to get out from under my fog to start new things, but there’s also a fair chunk of me frustrated and eager to start.
Lets see how we go.
(And if you still need Coles DC builders do hit me up, I still have quite the stash!)